Written By: Melissa Nyman
Financial abuse is becoming a common reality encountered in toxic relationships. Here are 10 signs that you’re in a financially abusive relationship.
1. Loan Manipulation
Despite you expressing your feelings about lending money, you’re manipulated into believing that lending money is something that’s helpful.
2. The Begging Adults
You’re always placed in a situation where you’re constantly having to bail or help grown adults out of financial predicaments. Example: You’re a parent but your child is financially dependent on your bank account.
3. Lazy Lenders
People without jobs, who are able to change their situation but simply choose not to, are always asking you for help with their money problems.
4. Fearful For Their Brokeness
You feel scared to let them venture the world without you because you’re convinced their lives will fall apart.
5. Excuse Financial Challenges
Either it’s the economy, stress, or behavioural coping mechanisms, but even when it’s harmful or inconveniencing to you, you make excuses for them.
6. Unnecessary Protective Feelings
You possess the urge to protect adults who are capable of taking care of themselves.
7. Ignore Warnings From Others
Despite others warning you that you’re being used, you ignore and carry on being the source they run to when they need help.
8. You’re Never Thinking Of Yourself
Whether you’re sacrificing your own money, time or energy, you’re always making yourself available for their abuse.
9. You Feel Guilty For Accepting Money
When the people who actually owe you money want to pay you back, you feel guilty for accepting it or say they don’t need to worry about it.
10. It’s Always The Other People
You feel as though the abuser has other people in his/her life who are to blame for his/her behaviour.
How To Stop Financial Abuse
Huffingtonpost provided a few solutions for people facing financial abuse and here’s what was said:
-Stop adding their problems to your financial expenses.
-Wrap your head around the concept you’re actually hurting them NOT helping them with spoon-feeding. This is because it:
- 1. Creates inability for those being helped to grow as adults.
- 2. Dumbs them down in being able to manage finances.
- 3. They will never understand how to earn their own income.
- 4. Makes them incapable of distinguishing between Needs and Wants.
-Empower instead of enabling:
Follow the Chinese proverb “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.”
Teach them the skills instead of giving into their every whim.
-Stop going to your wallet and start referring them to available services.
-Their problems = their problems. You are not part of that equation, so take yourself out of it.